This weekend I started my homily – as I am often wont to do! – with a story “a long long time ago in a galaxy far away in the land before time”. I recounted how, at some communities I was serving many years ago, I had noticed over time that a great many of my parishioners – couples, specifically – were either not coming up for communion or were coming up with their arms crossed….and never actually receiving the Eucharist.

Wanting to avoid any individual embarrassment or awkwardness, I decided then to preach about marriage in the Church. I talked about how some folks simply didn’t know there was a path forward to marriage, how some folks might need to look into the annulment process, and above all, how the Church – and their pastor (that’s me!) in particular – was eager to help!

I also highlighted a facet of Church teaching that many folks – especially those who received less-than-nominal catechesis – are simply not aware of: that even those who are currently living in an irregular situation (typically divorced and remarried) had a path forward towards receiving communion in the VERY near future. In his 1981 apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II addresses (among many other things) the difficulty faced by those who can not separate (especially in cases involving children) but have not yet sorted their marriage situation. In the relevant section (the middle of #84, if you’d like to read the original text), he lays out several conditions that would have to be met: 1) the couple taking on the duty to live in complete continence (put bluntly: no marital intimacy), 2) making a good confession, and 3) that there be no danger of public scandal in the giving of communion to couples in this situation (otherwise the pastor should arrange for communion to be given privately).

When I first gave this homily so many years ago, the reaction even then was palpable – couples throughout the congregation in every Mass were visible touched. While there was definitely some uncomfortable shifting in pews, most of those who affected were intrigued and wanted to learn more. Of the many couples who talked to me subsequently, I fondly remember (though with some amusement, as you’ll soon understand) two separate conversations – one in English and one in Spanish – that followed at their respective Masses. The couples involved came to me excited to learn about this possibility, especially the wives. They hadn’t received communion for years and were eager to hear about how that might (finally!) be resolved. However, that first condition is a doozy and the husbands in both conversations reacted the same: “Father, you don’t know how hard it is not to have sex!”

I am rather proud of how I didn’t immediately laugh…. but I admit to perhaps the slightest of smirks, and definitely a raised eyebrow!

Teasing aside, I understood what they were getting at: my vocation has been a consistent path towards a particular commitment. And practically speaking, I don’t have to face the prospect of sleeping next to a beloved spouse, with whom I had previously had recourse to marital intimacy in expressing our shared affection – to say nothing of the question of how long this new state of continence might have to be maintained while details of annulment(s) and marriage preparation are sorted out. As many disciples said at Jesus’ Bread of Life Discourse said, “This saying is hard; who can accept it?” (John 6:60)

It is no coincidence that I presented this message once more in homily – albeit in modified form for my current communities – this last weekend. In truth, I’ve been agonizing about when and how to put this before my parishioners for several months. I chose this last weekend because on the third Sunday of each month we have in our central region (where I spend the majority of my weekends) Masses in both English and Spanish. I wanted to be sure to speak to everyone in the language the best understood about a topic that continues to pain, intimidate, and otherwise affect so many among our own number.

You can imagine my surprise (and delight) when I started looking at the readings for this last Sunday (the Sixth Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year A). The very first sentence of the first reading packs a heck of a punch: “If you choose you can keep the commandments…. [emphasis added]” (Sirach 15:15). And the last sentence doesn’t let us off the hook either: “No one does he [God] command to act unjustly, to none does he give license to sin.” (Sirach 15:20) Wuf.

There is a trope that many Christians subscribe to, albeit incorrectly, about how the Old Testament doesn’t apply anymore. The general theme usually makes the claim that the new covenant established by Christ wipes away the old covenant – especially the laws that were so integral throughout. Jesus Himself rebukes this idea (in the first sentence of this same Sunday’s Gospel, no less): “Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets. I have come not to abolish but to fulfill. Amen, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or the smallest part of a letter will pass from the law, until all things have taken place.” (Matthew 5:17-18) In fact, Jesus goes a step further: “Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do so will be called least in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:19)

If we’re brutally honest, isn’t it the case that each of us – regardless of the given issue (marriage-related or not, I mean!) – has given ourselves a pass in some area of the law of Christ and His Church? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard folks even claim that Vatican II minimized or removed the call to holiness in a given area. ‘It’s not that bad’, ‘God knows my heart’, ‘it’s not really hurting anyone’, ‘it’ll be okay this time’ – I daresay we have all done exactly what Sirach warns against, giving ourselves license to sin in our own personal favorite ways.

And yet…..and yet!…. Jesus warns us in a most severe way: anyone who breaks one of the LEAST of these commandments – and teaches others to do so – will be called least in the kingdom of heaven.

Y.I.K.E.S.

To be clear, I am not calling out anyone save myself in this moment – but isn’t it true that simply by breaking the commandments of the Lord, especially in ways that involve others, I am teaching them that this is okay to do? It is a terrible thought enough to consider that Jesus would look me in the eye at the final judgment and say ‘Jacob, you have chosen not to be with me’. But what if He also says ‘….and you taught others – your spouse, your children, your friends – to walk away from me too’. Even imagining the disappointment and sorrow – and acceptance of my (eternal!) – decision to live apart from Him is painful here and now.

If we stopped here, this would be quite the downer of a reflection or homily. But those first words of Sunday’s readings ring out: if you choose, you can keep the commandments – they will save you; if you trust in God, you too shall live. And this is the good news of Christ and His Church: we are not expected to do this alone. The whole point of the Incarnation that we spent all of Advent &Christmas anticipating and celebrating, the whole point of the coming celebrations of Lent, Holy Week, and Easter, the whole point of our entire faith is that God is with us – that He entered into our life, our suffering, and our death so that we might enter into His resurrection and the eternal life He won for us! Yes, we ARE called to ‘be perfect, as my heavenly Father is perfect’ – but Jesus promises to walk with us, to assist us both personally and through each other, to fill in the gaps of our fallen humanity!

What is yet lacking – as always, at least in my personal experience of growing in holiness! – is the choice. Without a doubt, we often choose God in real and even extraordinary ways. The choice to come to Mass, to go to confession, to participate in the practices of our faith both joyful and sacrificial – these are choices we make all the time. What is yet lacking is to make that choice continually and, perhaps most convictingly, in the most profoundly wounded & broken parts of our lives – the parts where we are most called to embrace Christ’s Passion and death, the parts where we must also say to our Heavenly Father ‘not my will, but Yours be done’. That Christ Himself uttered those words in His agony is a great consolation, but also a grand conviction for each of us: we, too, must submit ourselves to His will.

In the end, what great hope we have in Jesus – because He takes on Himself the work of our salvation! We choose Him, but He has already chosen us. He only waits for us to make that choice, to continue making the choice to give Him permission to do the work needing done in our lives. Whether we are doing so on the topic of marriage & communion or something else altogether, we make & renew that choice today and always so that we might be brought to the fullness of what Jesus desires: intimate communion with Him in friendship both today and in eternity.

We must not let this moment pass without acknowledging the hurt and sorrow that the Church Herself has often inflicted on the very people most in need of the support we are considering. I think that most, if not all, of us have either experienced or know someone who has experienced not just a lack of support but outright cruelty in the name of the Church. Again and again we hear stories of those who went through a divorce – sometimes acting out of terrible desperation or real need to escape horrible circumstances – and were made to feel, or were outright told, that they were no longer welcome at Mass or even in a given community. Oftentimes, they were refused communion unjustly (simply being divorced is NOT, in fact, itself necessarily a sin – see CCC 2383, 2386 and Familiaris Consortio #83). Clergy and laity alike have at times participated in the alienation of those who should have been cared for with tenderness and compassion in what were the most painful points in their lives.

To anyone who has found themselves in such a position, it needs said clearly and directly: you ARE welcome in the Church and you do have a place in the Body of Christ. Know that when you are ready, you will be received with great joy!

References

• Familiaris Consortio, #84, https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_19811122_familiaris-consortio.html#_ftnref180
• Catechism of the Catholic Church, #2383 https://www.usccb.org/sites/default/files/flipbooks/catechism/574/index.html and & 2386 https://www.usccb.org/sites/default/files/flipbooks/catechism/576/index.html